I carry it with me – By Charlotte Farhan – Art to End the Silence on Rape

I carry it with me - By Charlotte Farhan
I carry it with me – By Charlotte Farhan

I carry it with me

By Charlotte Farhan

The sounds which echoed their imprint into my mind,

The shadows on the wall which danced manically,

That tree which licked the window with its branches,

The light from the door way which gave everything a demonic glow,

I carry it with me.

Your violence towards me which left me bleeding,

Your voice which permeated my ear canals with fear,

Your dominance which left me powerless,

Your face which was engraved into my memory with vandalism

I carry it with me.

Their disbelief is an internal epilogue,

Their abuse which followed yours because I was “fair game”,

Their judgement of my clothes and sanity demonised me,

Their abandonment confirmed every fear and isolated me,

I carry it with me.


This painting and poem is to highlight the impact sexual abuse, sexual violence and rape have on the mind, when you have complex post traumatic stress disorder.

From my collection “Art to End the Silence on Rape“.


For information on available originals or prints for purchase or for galleries wishing to exhibit these paintings in their venues please contact using the form below.

Art and Poetry – Alien Woman by Charlotte Farhan

By Charlotte Farhan


Alien Woman by Charlotte Farhan

She was thought to be different from an early age,
no one understood her language or seclusion.
Being made to witness their madness on a rampage,
their sadness transparent – was she the intrusion?

When looking up at the stars she could see her home,
the planet she was created on – was so far from here.
Abandoned, dropped in a deep-sea of monochrome,
swimming to the ragged shore – a reluctant sightseer.

A heart larger than most – with beats like a bass drum,
She fights the worlds battles – a leader with forlorn hope.
Her voice soothes you – allowing you to overcome,
Eyes so open they see like the Hubble Telescope,

As an alien she lives amongst us in vibrant blues,
she disguises herself as she waits in purgatory.
Her hope is to free this earth of beliefs disabused,
Your life is fragile – never forget; memento mori.


If you have any questions on my work, if you wish for me to exhibit in your gallery or would like to purchase a piece , please contact me via the form below, thank you.

I Can’t Look Forward – Art and Poetry – By Charlotte Farhan – Reflecting the physical and emotional struggles of having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I Can't Look Forward - By Charlotte Farhan
I Can’t Look Forward – By Charlotte Farhan

I Can’t Look Forward

By Charlotte Farhan

In memories I continue to relive,
not able to endure this universes reality,
my amygdala is highly combative,
the fragmented pieces falling from my dead family tree.

Infected fear filled eyes, like sores from the past,
in the depths of hell, everyone is deranged,
truth sees me branded as an iconoclast,
putrid and filthy I’m seen as the estranged.

The dysfunction of my mind continues to breed,
my hippocampus withering as neurons disintegrate,
dissociated in this mad world of misdeeds,
my prefrontal cortex had no time to decontaminate,

My illness is physical which you can’t see,
I have been rearranged internally,
this sickness inside, a screaming apogee,
with my outward mask fixed eternally.

Eyes alert and looking to the past,
like a bête noire lost with nowhere to go,
the trigger is pulled with a loud blast,
night terrors and flashbacks are the ammo.

We are not all soldiers of war back from global battle,
many of us suffer without being part of the bloodshed,
instead our bodies have been used as personal chattel,
We knew our survival would not cause for medals or tears shed.


This painting and poem reflects the physical and emotional struggles of having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how the world reserves compassion for soldiers of war who have this illness but do not extend the same benevolence to victims of sexual violence and rape, who are a larger number of affected people.

I am one of these survivors; using my art, poetry and writing to raise awareness of the aftermath from being abused, assaulted and raped. As well as to help prevent these acts from continuing and to explain how rape culture in part of the every day fabric of life, which goes unnoticed, but is highly dangerous to us as a global community.

If you have any questions on my work, if you wish for me to exhibit in your gallery or would like to purchase a piece , please contact me via the form below, thank you.

Art by Charlotte Farhan

Art to End the Silence on Rape – Head on a Stick – Art and Poetry by Charlotte Farhan

Head on a Stick - By Charlotte Farhan
Head on a Stick – By Charlotte Farhan

Head on a Stick

By Charlotte Farhan

I offer my head to feed their eyes and tongues,

judgment spat at me with venomous vigour,

my body discarded leaving me without lungs,

crowds come forward with their mouths even bigger.

“Her head on a stick” the rabble loudly shout,

“she was asking for it” they scream insanely,

“But it’s the truth” I say, day in and day out,

“please believe me” I plea to humanity.

Life feeds on death; a self-destructive fury,

on public display my shame is left weeping,

my fresh blood is doused over the grand jury,

headless, with sexual organs for reaping.

The executioner offers salvation,

delivering me from my sin and evil

sex used as character assassination,

loss of life force, my soul is in upheaval

Like Medusa before me, our heads have rolled,

forasmuch as we were thought monstrous women,

our Fathers never let go their stranglehold,

still our legs run red with the deepest crimson.

The crowds start to disperse from around my head,

I feel I may be able to find some peace,

ripped apart, I could lay on my deathbed,

culpability placed like an altarpiece.

A victim I was, but a victim they blame,

told this violation does not happen here,

our voices attest; the night must be reclaimed,

identities are shaken and disappear.

Rape is not the act of sexual desire,

it is not uncommon as you may believe,

our minds are ruled now by an occupier,

we are the scapegoats, left – to be disbelieved.


This piece of poetry is from my degree course in Creative Writing.

The theme of this poem is that of victim blaming and the impact on the victim of sexual violence.

I am a victim who survived sexual abuse as a child, sexual violence and rape as a teenager as well as 2 sexual attacks in a psychiatric ward as a teenager.

Please take a look at my other articles and art on this important issue:

Click here: Art to End the Silence on Rape

If you would like to support my mission to end sexual violence and rape culture please like my awareness Facebook Page:

Click Here: No Excuses – Sexual Violence Must End


 

For any further information on my work please fill in the contact form:

Poetry and Art Spotlight: Red – By Charlotte Farhan

Red - Art By - Charlotte Farhan
Red – Art By – Charlotte Farhan

 

RED

by Charlotte Farhan 

A survivor is created through their suffering – not born,

overwhelming need for endurance becomes everything,

red drips – glistening droplets cascading down a single thorn,

petals fall like tears as the red roses are left weeping.

 

Asking for forgiveness from the powers that be,

Rising tall after the holy wreckage,

Seeing nothing but red; left lost with nobody,

from the crimson glow among the breakage,

 

Reaching for that apple; fruit of the poisonous tree

Breaking into pieces, scattering across the earth

red glass cuts; amidst the shards appears a master key

Could this be the moment of sweet release; my rebirth.

 

Being black and blue is nothing new,

the red remains; staining my legs,

however my strength was a breakthrough,

even if the darkness still begs.

 

Purity was ruined by them; they burnt me alive,

breathing is a battle; existing is trying,

nonetheless if in this redness; I can survive,

then a warrioress can break from within; crying.

 

Strength comes from doing whatever you can to stay alive,

crossing that red stop sign can be necessary,

blood alerts us, poppies sooth us, Red Riding Hood reminds us,

warning to all; survival is cautionary.

 

So when you see me and think this is madness,

remember that red is around us and pumps through our veins,

danger is present; a part of the darkness,

however survival comes from this and strength remains.


If you have any queries please fill out the form below:

Art and Poetry Spotlight – Staying Silent

Staying Silent - By Charlotte Farhan
Staying Silent – By Charlotte Farhan

 


 

Staying Silent

By Charlotte Farhan

 

Silence can be heard in many ways,
my silence is a laugh, a smile or a lie,
these create an elaborate maze,
for those wishing to understand and stand by.

Staying silent is now second nature,
people say “doesn’t she seem better”?
They don’t know – I am a big faker,
keeping them happy is less pressure.

Not wanting to be a burden,
as I knew too well this could lead me to be abandoned,
life has always been uncertain,
when I tell people my truth – they often become saddened.

The ruin inside me is enshroud,
as a child I was called damaged and a victim of extremes,
hearing the horror said aloud,
unpacking my unclaimed baggage – which were ripped at the seams.

Not wanting to be inspiration porn,
silence growing louder and louder within,
my laugh weakens, my smile is now forlorn,
whispers in my ear say “take it on the chin”.

This practice is now my way of survival,
the unspoken words crash into my skull with violence,
nonetheless this sound is my only rival,
I close my eyes and allow myself to hear the silence.


If you have any questions or comments on my work, please fill in the form below:

Why I stopped selling my art for a year and the commercial suffocation which killed my creativity

Just over a year ago I decided to take down all my art for sale on my website and removed my art from galleries. This was not due to not selling work or a moody tantrum, this was in fact thought out over some time, which was needed as my mind was riddled with questions such as “will this sell” and “is this going to be popular with customers and collectors”. The part of me which was now in charge of my creativity was also doing mental spreadsheets and customer surveys.

The Broken Willow - By Charlotte Farhan
The Broken Willow – By Charlotte Farhan

Now I am not saying this is not a way to sell art, as there are many successful commercial artists who take to art as they would any business. However this is not for me, I am not driven by money and my philosophy is very anti-capitalistic and personally I dislike any art which is made in the hope of selling for obscene amounts of cash.

The arts have been growing more elitist and individualistic since the 20th century, which historian Walter Benjamin called “The Age of Mechanical Reproduction.” The commodity of art and creativity is now a marketable idea and product to be sold on mass, even though the world we live in is in no way accommodating to the life of an artist, unless you are the lucky few (which is mainly white, middle/upper class men) then you can not replicate the same success as any outlet which churns out art prints of generic tastes to be sold at your local department store. Visual art is taken for granted in our world, imagine the world without it? Removing these visuals from our surroundings would be an extreme shock to our senses, yet we do not value it enough. Art becomes a throw away item, something you donate or sell at a carboot sale or even toss in a skip.

Emotions Take Over - By Charlotte Farhan
Emotions Take Over – By Charlotte Farhan

My husband and I are by no means rich, we are actually under the living wage by quite a bit in the UK, which is why the pressure arises in me at the idea that the only thing I can do well and do from home due to my disabilities was not going to feed us or house us on a regular basis – making me believe that myself and my art were worthless. Which left me hollow and without purpose, so as with everything in my life, this became a question of survival.

Tackling mental illness, sexual violence, capitalism, war and being an outsider artist in general meant that automatically my work would not be considered commercial or be the kind of art that the general population wish to put in their living rooms. Nonetheless this is not of any concern of mine, as the artist my purpose is to create, the rest is not up to me. Over this year many of my followers and fans have asked to buy my art or asked where my art is on sale, but still I did not give in. The journey was not over as I still could hear the faint voice of capitalism whispering in my ear.

With this in mind the idea of selling art became something which actually started to terrify me, the thought that if I started again the muse would leap from my mind, with nothing left to nourish me. So I continued on my quest for my cathartic creativity. Which is what led me to reexamine my roots in art – the reason I had begun and the reason it had saved me from hurting myself for so many years. I remembered painting and drawing as a child when my world was falling apart around me, with no adults to guide me; my art was a comfort and allowed me to express feeling which my young brain could not process with language. Furthermore art therapy had saved me when I was in psychiatric hospitals or therapy, never did I think of “selling art” at these moments, there were no thoughts just creativity exploding from me in every direction with a “fuck you” attitude to match.

Then I thought of the other experiences with art which had suffocated me and led me to become silent. Such as secondary school when my teacher decided her and I had a “personality clash” and that I was just a disobedient child who would not concentrate on the topics at hand. Which is hard for me for many reasons. In class a blank piece of paper would be set down for me, with an objective given, such as to draw a still life of some sort – my mind could not confine itself to the simple still life set out before me, other things would appear in my vision and these would have to be incorporated, different colours emerged which others did not see. Which is what drove my art teacher mad, she would get so angry at me and I just could not understand? This was my best and favourite subject and my way of communicating but it was shut down and I stopped trying and taking part.

My Burial - By Charlotte Farhan
My Burial – By Charlotte Farhan

When later in life I decided to go to art college at 17, having only been out of hospital a short while, the intensity of my emotions and coming from an art therapy environment did not merge well within the confines of academic art. This time I had learnt from previous experiences that my voice was too loud or too raw and with the social pressures of adolescents, which made me want to conform so as to be seen as “normal” and not the crazy girl, I simply muted myself and my creative voice. Which meant yet again the teachers found me difficult, leading me to leave after a year.

With this retrospective, the mission was clear and simple; my work needed to come from the place which has been unheard and abandoned for so long. It is not pretty or comfortable, but it is my genuine voice and my message to the world – with the aim of helping others who like me have been pushed down and silenced.  During my year off from the headache that is consumerism, my mind was able to redevelop the meaning behind my journey as an artist. It is true that for me the message in my work is far more important to me than if it is “sellable”, which meant that finding my voice was the most important aspect for my exploration thus far.

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Now I am ready to sell my work again and put my work back in galleries, Knowing that the selling is a bonus and the galleries allow my art to be seen and my message to heard by more people. There is now no whispers asking me consumerist questions and there is no compromise to my philosophy. Now I am secure with my art and purpose which means my muse has returned.

If you ever find yourself in this predicament as an artist (of any discipline) then I would recommend a similar period of time away from the suffocation that is our capitalist, consumer driven world, find your roots in your work, work towards your purpose and do not compromise this for anything.

ASLI QUOTE

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How I long to walk carefree in the rain – Art and Poetry by Charlotte Farhan

This painting and poem is inspired by the feelings and emotions which are experienced whilst suffering from agoraphobia.

How I long to walk carefree in the rain - By Charlotte Farhan
How I long to walk carefree in the rain – By Charlotte Farhan

 

How I long to walk carefree in the rain – By Charlotte Farhan

 

There are days when all I want is rain

the cathartic washing of the soul

with every droplet easing my pain

lost, I continue in this black hole.

Staring from my imprisoned windowpane

I imagine myself taking a stroll

allowing the wet the chance to explain

why the sudden downpour, makes me feel whole.

Walking obliviously again

my mind becomes a rapid sinkhole

thoughts collide escaping the membrane

like rocks passing through a buttonhole.

Looking outside with a sense of disdain

feelings of insanity take control

the need to escape taps at me again

my umbrella is left without a role.

How I long to walk carefree in the rain.


How I long to walk carefree in the rain - By Charlotte Farhan
How I long to walk carefree in the rain – By Charlotte Farhan

If you have any questions about my work please use this contact form:

 

Art to End the Silence on Rape – I Am Still Bleeding

This painting and poem is from my upcoming exhibition; which tells the truth about my rape and sexual abuse, through visual art, poetry, shadow boxes and my story; my hardest and most painful work to date.

With therapy this process of healing is ongoing, these pieces of work which are still being created and crafted are a way for me to understand, cast out the nightmares which have convoluted my reality, addressing the issues victims of sexual violence (like myself) have to face in today’s world which is heavily influenced by rape culture and victim blaming.

 Sharing selected pieces of visual art and poetry (such as these below) before my exhibition is launched is to reach audiences far and wide.

Sexual violence is not prejudice it can happen to anyone. This exhibition is for us all, women, men and children from every ethnicity, social background, sexuality, religion and lifestyle. With doing this, the hope is to give us a voice to tell those who have abused and violated us that we can take the power back that was taken from us, to tell those unaffected how our lives are a daily struggle and to tell the world that there is still so much to do, so that we can end sexual violence for good.

My power was taken.

I am affected.

My life is a daily struggle.

I am a victim and I am a survivor.

I Am Still Bleeding - By Charlotte Farhan
I Am Still Bleeding – By Charlotte Farhan

I Am Still Bleeding – By Charlotte Farhan

 

When you look at me you don’t see blood

my violated self concealed

words which remain misunderstood

as if my sex had been revealed

not a little girl but forced womanhood

left feeling helplessly desecrated

as I had been in early childhood

forsaken; flowerless and humiliated.

Maybe you saw me as a flower bud

not pretty; but ripe and eager to grow

violently picked and dragged through mud

grappling innocence; never to let go

my tears washing my shame in a flash flood

not knowing; if there will be a tomorrow

now reminded of the intrusion by my menstrual blood

in a world with no desire to know.

I Am Still Bleeding - By Charlotte Farhan
I Am Still Bleeding – By Charlotte Farhan

If you have any questions about this painting, poem or the upcoming exhibition, please fill in this form:

 

Announcing the Winners! Competition to win original art by Charlotte Farhan

Are you a winner? Charlotte Farhan

I am very excited to announce the winners of my competition…

The winners were put into an app which picks at random called – Randomness powered by Random.org so that a winner was chosen fairly.

So here are the winners:

  1. Charlotte Cullen from the UK, has won – Amman CityscapeAmman Cityscape - By Charlotte Farhan
  2. Allaert Euser from the Netherlands, has won – MindfulnessMindfulness - By Charlotte Farhan

    3. L, Farhan from the Middle East, has won – Wake Up

    Wake Up - By Charlotte Farhan

    4. DjaaDjaa Fouad from Algeria, has won Memories

Memories - By Charlotte Farhan

5. Aliaa ali from Egypt has won, A Gift For You

A Gift For You - By Charlotte Farhan

All winners will be contacted via email to confirm and obtain mailing addresses.

Paintings will be sent via recorded delivery in January 2016 and may take up to a month to be delivered depending on the country.

Please sign up to this website and blog to receive updates on my art, writings, non-profit work and activism as well as more giveaways like this.

Thank you to all who entered I wish I could send you all a painting.

Charlotte Farhan
Charlotte Farhan

 

Your support means the world to me xxx

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and have a wonderful festive season from Charlotte Farhan Art xxx