The struggle with the unseen

My illness – The struggle with the unseen

Having any unseen illness is a struggle and for obvious reasons. Some say mental illness is not a physical illness which I strongly disagree with, how can the brain not be physical? Having had severe psychiatric illnesses since the age of 11 would make some assume I would be well adjusted by now or even that I must know my own illness through and through. These are all incorrect assumptions.

The fact is my life has become more of a struggle with age. Being 30 now has made me want to take charge more than ever but to my surprise it is proving far harder than I would have imagined as my younger self. As a young teenager I did not understand and just felt out of place and suicidal. Then as an older adolescent I just became reckless and would put myself in dangerous situations. My twenties became a decade of denial, I did not want medication, therapy, hospitalisation or even to really admit my illnesses to my friends. I drowned my emotions and masked symptoms and behaviours with alcohol and drugs.

However, mental illness does not just disappear in fact it spreads like an infection and causes more illness until the infection is so severe the body crashes and there is no other option but to admit defeat and seek medical attention. This is what happened to me at 28 and has been a uphill struggle since. Although this has made my life more difficult it has not stopped me having a successful marriage and a progressing career.

 What you cannot see – By Charlotte Farhan As a Borderline I spend an intense amount of time suppressing emotions. People often say to me after I have had an outburst, “I did not realise you were feeling so emotional and unwell, you looked fine to me” This is due to the combination of having had to be strong and resilient through major abuse and trauma as a child as well as being ridiculed and scolded for displaying extreme emotions as an adolescent. So I developed an emotion regulation strategy. This painting is of the emotions people don’t see. My art is here to break down and challenge stigma as well as educate.

What you cannot see – By Charlotte Farhan
As a Borderline I spend an intense amount of time suppressing emotions. People often say to me after I have had an outburst, “I did not realise you were feeling so emotional and unwell, you looked fine to me” This is due to the combination of having had to be strong and resilient through major abuse and trauma as a child as well as being ridiculed and scolded for displaying extreme emotions as an adolescent. So I developed an emotion regulation strategy. This painting is of the emotions people don’t see.
My art is here to break down and challenge stigma as well as educate.

A detailed list of the unseen illnesses I suffer from

Here is a list of my unseen mental illnesses the definition and severity. The list is done from the most severe to the least. As well as identifying which illness (untreated) led to another.

  • Post-traumatic Stress Disorder – develop after a person is exposed to one or more traumatic events, such as sexual assault, warfare, serious injury, or threats of imminent death. The diagnosis may be given when a group of symptoms, such as disturbing recurring flashbacks, avoidance or numbing of memories of the event, and hyper-arousal, continue for more than a month after the occurrence of a traumatic event

  • Borderline Personality Disorder – is a cluster-B personality disorderis a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. Impulsive behaviours, self-injury, experiencing severe mood swings, feelings of emptiness, and intense anger.

    Depersonalisation Disorder – is a mental disorder in which the sufferer is affected by persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and derealization. It is classified as a dissociative disorder and an independent neurotic disorder. Feeling disconnected from one’s physicality or body, feeling detached from one’s own thoughts or emotions, feeling as if one is disconnected from reality, and a sense of feeling as if one is dreaming or in a dreamlike state.

  •  Agoraphobia – Anxiety about being places or situations from which escape might be difficult or in which help may not be available in the event of having a panic attack. Situations are avoided or endured with marked distress, many require a carer or companion.

  • General Anxiety Disorder – is a neurological anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry

  • Panic Disorder –  is an anxiety disorder characterized by recurring panic attacks. It may also include significant behavioural changes lasting at least a month and of ongoing worry about the implications or concern about having other attacks

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear or worry (obsessions), repetitive behaviours aimed at reducing the associated anxiety (compulsions), or a combination of such obsessions and compulsions.

  • Diabetes – Diabetes is a condition where the amount of glucose in your blood is too high because the body cannot use it properly.This is because the pancreas doesn’t produce any insulin, or not enough insulin, to help glucose enter the body’s cells – or the insulin that is produced does not work properly (known as insulin resistance).

  • Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)  is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance of female sex hormones. This may lead to changes in the menstrual cycle, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, fatigue and chronic pain.

  • Anorexia Nervosa (Restricting type) – individual does not utilize binge eating nor displays purging behaviour as their main strategy for weight loss. Instead, the individual uses restricting food intake, fasting, diet pills, and/or exercise as a means for losing weight.

  • Chronic Erythema nodosum – is a type of skin inflammation that is located in a part of the fatty layer of skin. EN results in reddish, painful, tender lumps most commonly located in the front of the legs below the knees. With chronic pain and tightening of the skin.

  •  Depressive Psychosis – refers to a major depressive episode that is accompanied by psychotic symptoms.

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The Struggle

With these unseen illnesses it is hard to explain on any given day why I can’t do what I need to do, or why some days I am able to do these said things. As someone who as had these issues longer than not, I am unaware sometimes that people take me at face value and as I appear “well” or “normal” to a certain extent people can often disbelieve if told or just can’t understand as I am not in a straight jacket, rocking in a corner, dribbling or fit into any other misconception or stereotype people have about mental illness.

So this can prove to be very distressing in our world. As a survivor and someone who will not give up, I am left with only one option and that is to share my story, educate and break down these rigid ideas of what mental illness is. Mental illness does not mean you cannot have a life, friends, family and a career. However it does mean you may need to alter your opinions on what social norms you wish to follow or like myself hope to create a diversity in our society that will accommodate us all better. Such as attitudes towards work, money, health care, relationships and appropriate behaviour. These are all areas which may need to be reinvented and philosophised to draw the best conclusion for your life.

You will still be met with certain attitudes and archaic beliefs.

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TOP 10 WORST THINGS SAID TO A PERSON WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

  1. “Don’t tell people you have mental health problems, they will not understand.”

  2. ” You always seem so happy, confident, well… I can’t believe you have a mental illness.”

  3. ” Everyone feels like this sometimes.”

  4. ” Why can’t you work in proper job?”

  5. ” Stop focusing on the past, negative, bad times…”

  6. ” Get over it!”

  7. ” You would be fine if you just went out.”

  8. ” Your illness is a state of mind.”

  9. ” Stop mentioning your illness it brings people down and makes you seem like an attention seeker.”

  10. ” I don’t believe in mental illness.”

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Final Thoughts

Living with my unseen illnesses everyday is just a fact of life. I don’t feel bitter or unlucky. All I wish for is that the world would see us and accept us. We are here on this planet and we deserve a voice and consideration. My wish is to stop negative associations with unseen illness, to break down the separation between mental and physical illness, to allow people the freedom to speak of their illnesses in social and work settings without the fear of stigma and unfair treatment.

My unseen world is not unseen because of shame or fear. It is unseen because many choose not to see it. It is unseen because people don’t listen and it is unseen because I gave up explaining. However now I am not giving up, I shall explain and speak up and I shall not hide the truth. This will not change things over night but it will be my change, my contribution. I am a warrioress and my fight has just begun.

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Silver Linings – Emotions in Colour – Solo Art Exhibition – From Charlotte Farhan

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On Friday the 24th of May my first solo exhibition opened at The Art House in Southampton, Hampshire, England.

I created this exhibition to highlight my ongoing collections and to express my symbology and messages which exist in my paintings. I named the exhibition ‘Silver Linings – Emotions in Colour’ because I use my art to find and create positive energy. A lot of my art originates from my past and my negative experiences from my childhood and adolescents as well as my ongoing struggle with mental illness. I did not want to produce the cliché angst ridden art which is associated with mental illness. I wanted to inspire and create art which empowers the beauty of positivity.

For all of you who can not attend my exhibition especially those of you abroad, as promised I have created this blog post as a mini on-line exhibition so you can view my work and feel like you experienced it in the flesh! I hope you enjoy it.

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SILVER LININGS – EMOTIONS IN COLOUR

BY CHARLOTTE FARHAN

Feeling Love - By Charlotte Farhan

Feeling Love – By Charlotte Farhan

This is from the collection ‘The Power of Women and Femininity’ 2012                                      

A mixed media piece which symbolises the feeling of being loved unconditionally.  £50.00

A Gift From You - By Charlotte Farhan

A Gift From You – By Charlotte Farhan

From ‘The Flower Collection’ 2013                                                                                                

A gift that is given of beauty and nature has been used for centuries and its meaning is endless.  £155.00

 

Laying in Flowers - By Charlotte Farhan

Laying In Flowers – By Charlotte Farhan

This is from the collection ‘The Power of Women and Femininity’ 2011                              

Being at one with nature alleviates the stress of everyday life and re-energises our mind and soul.   £70.00 

Amman Cityscape - By Charlotte Farhan

Amman Cityscape – By Charlotte Farhan

From the collection ‘Jordan (the Hashemite Kingdom)’ 2012                                                

A naive abstraction of shape and use of engaging colours to represent the feelings and expressions the city gives.  £300.00

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Le Consulat, Montmartre, Paris – By Charlotte Farhan

This is from the collection ‘Ma belle France’ 2013                                                                          

A naive impression of the famous cafe in Montmartre, Paris, called Le Consulat. In the background you can see the Sacre Coeur.  £400.00

Dualism - By Charlotte Farhan

Dualism – By Charlotte Farhan

An expressionist representation of physical and spiritual dualism, from a philosophical view point. I asked myself what is spirit?  £155.00

Brighten Up - By Charlotte Farhan

Brighten Up – By Charlotte Farhan

From ‘The Flower Collection’ 2013                                                                                                     

An expressionist piece to encourage the mind to “brighten up” our thoughts and embrace the positive which surrounds us. £50.00

Summer Is Coming - By Charlotte Farhan

Summer is Coming – By Charlotte Farhan

A naïve style painting of a tree blossoming just as summer starts. A rebirth, a chance to start again.  £80.00

Sitting Pretty - By Charlotte Farhan

Sitting Pretty – By Charlotte Farhan

A naïve style painting reflecting on my world and the joy animals and nature bring to our lives.  £50.00

Just To Make You Smile - By Charlotte Farhan

Just to Make you smile – By Charlotte Farhan

From ‘The Flower Collection’ 2013                                                                                                                    

The language of flowers, called floriography, was a form of communication in which flowers were used to send coded messages, allowing the expression of feelings which otherwise could not be spoken.  £155.00

Memories - By Charlotte Farhan

Memories – By Charlotte Farhan

Trees have played an important role in many of the world’s mythologies and religions, and have been given deep and sacred meanings throughout the ages. My trees symbolise life and death and in particular the death of my friend Jenny who lives on in my art as a tree.  £80.00

Tulip - By Charlotte Farhan

Tulip – By Charlotte Farhan

From ‘The Flower Collection’ 2013                                                                                                

During the Ottoman Empire, the tulip was seen as a symbol of abundance and indulgence. In fact, the era was called the Tulip era. This is an abstract piece to show how nature symbolises this abundance.  £80.00

The Way You Make Me Feel  - By Charlotte Farhan

The Way You Make Me Feel – By Charlotte Farhan

From the collection ‘The Power of Women and Femininity’ 2013                                                    

This represents the healthy acceptance of my body with the love of my husband and myself which has been an on-going struggle throughout my life. Being healthy is beautiful whichever shape you are.  £155.00

With Flowers in Her Hair - By Charlotte Farhan

With Flowers In Her Hair – By Charlotte Farhan

From the collection ‘The Power of Women and Femininity’ 2013                                          

Women have been associated with the physical side of life our role has always been described as being ‘closer to nature’.                                                                                                                       Women have been affected by the devaluation throughout time and this is reflected in our images and media, this is an image to empower and re-address the positive.  £50.00

 

True Colours - By Charlotte Farhan

True Colours – By Charlotte Farhan

From the collection ‘The Power of Women and Femininity’ 2013                                  

Our inner feelings are often masked and not shown. This is a reflection on our inner voice and true feelings.  £50.00

END OF EXHIBITION

My exhibition is on until the 7th of July at The Art House in Southampton. Here is a link to the galleries website for more information http://www.thearthousesouthampton.co.uk/ this is also where I first exhibited two paintings in their summer show in 2011. So I am so pleased I got to have my first solo show here. It is such a wonderful place. Like a treasure trove of arty delights and festivities as well as live music and yummy organic vegetarian food from their wonderful cafe.

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Thank you for visiting my art blog and for viewing my exhibition. Your support means the world to me. If you are interested in my work to buy or to exhibit in your venue or gallery please contact me via my email charlottefarhan83@sky.com or visit my website http://www.charlottefarhanart.com/

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