On the Borderline – Neurosis and Psychosis and the Tightrope we Walk Daily

Neurosis and Psychosis - By Charlotte Farhan
Neurosis and Psychosis – By Charlotte Farhan

 

Doubt is to certainty as neurosis is to psychosis. The neurotic is in doubt and has fears about persons and things; the psychotic has convictions and makes claims about them. In short, the neurotic has problems, the psychotic has solutions.
(Thomas Szasz)

Now I am not a fan of Thomas Szasz and his views on mental illness, however this quote stuck out to me upon reading his works.

As a borderline (someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder) I am well aware of to which borderline the illness refers to. That of the borderline between neurosis and psychosis, neurosis being:

A relatively mild mental illness that is not caused by organic disease, involving symptoms of stress (depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviour, hypochondria) but not a radical loss of touch with reality. (Oxford Dictionary)

AND psychosis being:

A severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. (Oxford Dictionary)

Anxiety - By Charlotte Farhan
Anxiety – By Charlotte Farhan

This tightrope borderline between two mind sets is exactly why the quote at the beginning of this writing is of interest to me. The struggle between two personalities within. Coercing one another into problematic scenarios and continuously trying to solve the unsolvable with behaviours deemed damaging and irrational. Like conjoined twins, with one whispering in the others ear, telling the other there are risks, dangers ahead or that people will hurt or leave them, the other hears this and with a maniacal smile plans on how to survive the monsters it sees and hears around them.

Having suffered psychotic episodes throughout my life due to my BPD, PTSD and psychotic depression, my view on this disordered thought process is that of a person outside of themselves. Being unable to look at it from an internal perspective but more of an outside reflection on behaviours and memories.

When I was experiencing my worst I was delusional and had hallucinations of dark figured angels who towered over me, gesturing at me to follow them and leave the place I was in. As well as seeing fairy like creatures who would whisper to me that this life was not the end, that I could follow them and be safe in a world of magic and beauty. When an episode of this would end I would feel drained and confused, often not knowing where I had been, who I had spoken to or what may have happened to me whilst hallucinating. I would lose time and sometimes days to this.

The cause for this is said to be due to my extreme trauma and my existing mental illnesses. At this point I had not taken psychotropic drugs or any recreational hallucinogenic drug, so it was purely my mind fracturing due to the trauma of sexual abuse and violence.

PTSD - By Charlotte Farhan
PTSD – By Charlotte Farhan

Now my psychosis presents itself most when I am outside and makes me see every man’s face as the faces of the males who assaulted me. Sometimes watching me and appearing to slowly walk towards me. On occasion I am trapped in what appears to be my British childhood home where these separate incidences took place, I walk through my actual home, but all I can see is my old house. I have laid in my bed and been scared to leave my room as I know when I walk out my bedroom, it will all be unreal.

Certain psychotic episodes I had during the aftermath of my rape when I was 15 are not accessible to me, I know I had them as others witnessed them, but I have no recollection. Unfortunately I have scared people and this is not something I wish to inflict on anyone.

The mental health system we have in the UK is not the worst but it is not adequate. If I were to mention certain things in an assessment I would be hospitalised again, this means I do not share certain information with NHS professionals but I would with a private psychiatrist or mental health practitioners. So like most mentally ill people I am not able to be open myself up and receive FREE treatment for what I need, without being given heavy sedatives like anti-psychotics (which I was on for over 10 years) or being admitted to a psychiatric ward, which from my own experience would not be the best solution for me at all.

Exploding with Emotions - By Charlotte Farhan
Exploding with Emotions – By Charlotte Farhan

The treatment of these illnesses is not good enough, there needs to be a completely new perspective and a new way to administer treatment with the patients needs being assessed on an individual basis, not simply a criteria and box ticking exercise.

Knowing the treatment I need but it not be available to me due to the NHS either not providing it or being too short term, means if you are of a low income (which more people are than not) you have to pay for your treatment, which if you have no spare money after the basics of survival are met, you are not able to afford the treatment and must go without.

Luckily for me I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful husband who supports me and my ongoing recovery. Together we work hard at the long game, we train and educate ourselves to be able to earn more money, so that someday in the near future we can afford my treatment.

A spoonful of sugar - By Charlotte Farhan
A spoonful of sugar – By Charlotte Farhan

Going back to the original point and quote on the feelings and behaviours that come from my borderline between neurosis and psychosis, the need for more understanding is crucial within these disorders. Many who are borderline do not even know what and why this is happening to them, they do not know what the words mean or what borderline it is they are on.

For me knowledge is power! Knowing about my illnesses and having a diagnosis is just the starting point and is valuable to most. Physicians have long argued on the benefits of diagnosis and information for those of us suffering from mental illness. I say this is not their argument to have. These ideas come from an archaic time period within psychiatry which in turn has contributed to the stigma mental illness has today. It is then turned on its head to suggest “we” the mentally ill will be worse off with a label or knowing what our own minds are reacting to or conceiving of. Which then leads to a broader ignorance within society on how mental health is viewed, treated or exists within an individual.

Obstructive - By Charlotte Farhan  Suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder is an ordeal on the best of days. BPD can cause obstructive behaviour due to it being a wildly misunderstood illness. This has lead me to hide my BPD from physicians and at times begrudge therapy, medication and leave mental health services. From the age of eleven I have obstructed treatment and then craved a cure, feeling abandoned and hateful towards the continuous changing of physicians and facilities.  My art is here to break down and challenge stigma as well as educate.
Obstructive – By Charlotte Farhan

Being on this borderline is a continuous battle within the internal conflicts my mind has rewired itself to do and think. With a thought and an idea to save me and protect me from the evils in the world my neurotic brain lends itself and then a damaging or “mad” way for me to confront or avoid them is offered by my psychotic self. Somewhere in between is me gasping for air…

These struggles need to be understood better by everyone and the stigma associated needs to be challenged at every level.

For more information and help please visit these sites:

The Mental Health Foundation – Getting Help

Mind – The Mental Health Charity

Rethink Mental Illness

The Movement for Global Mental Health

“The true definition of mental illness is when the majority of your time is spent in the past or future, but rarely living in the realism of NOW.”
(Shannon L. Alder)

Artist Charlotte Farhan
Artist Charlotte Farhan

 

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Fair-weather Friend – A Poem by Charlotte Farhan

 

Fair-weather Friend – A Poem by Charlotte Farhan

So you want something from me?
So you take something from me!
You fill my heart with hope and friendship,
then you find some other focus and take it away!
I was once your number one, your right hand chum,
but now I am just that dumb.
I give everything,
that is me.

You promised me you would stand by my side and be my security,
I felt so special I added you to my family tree!
Friendships like these break my heart,
I have always been searching for brothers and sisters,
but have realised I am but a spare part.

You cried for years,
filled my bedroom with tears,
I scooped you up in my arms and helped you swim the sea you had created,
knowing full well how this story was fated!

You see I have a poorly brain and my mind is heavy with nightmares,
which keep me from being free,
always longing to be an escapee.
With this mindset I am open to being used like a forever giving fountain of youth!
But I can’t hurt you by bringing up this truth.
I love you too much to see you hurt,
but instead I sink further, as if you were weighing me down before throwing me to sea
Friendship can be tricky when you are me,
not knowing what to be?

                      Just remember I am not able to carry us alone, you must tend to our garden,                           or our roses will never grow!
I can not be your fair-weather friend,
this path is long and tiresome,
but I know if continued we will reach our dead end.

DON'T LEAVE ME - By Charlotte Farhan
Don’t Leave Me – By Charlotte Farhan

This poem is dedicated to all the friendships I have had which have ended after my Borderline Personality Disorder came between us. Either because I have a tendency to give everything in a friendship, I want to be the best of the rest, I want to be family and be the closest we can be, so I shall do everything for my friends, to my own detriment. Also I have tended to make friends with fickle people or users. Those who saw a chance to get what they could from me and my weakness.

I also recognise that I have had unrealistic expectations in these relationships, I want perfection! Which is unachievable, I have been working on this behaviour a lot and have managed to find ways to stop this from happening so much, stopping myself from projecting this on to my friends and partner. However I still get hurt when perfection is not reached as I would put everything into being perfect and my brain can not understand why others do not do the same? But when I tackle this splitting of the mind I reach the conclusion, (sometimes after hours of tears and anger) that I do not need to be perfect and nor does anyone else.

Borderlines can have very difficult relationships with people, I know for me my most difficult of relationships has been friendships since I was very young. Here are some reasons why:

“Typically individuals with BPD have difficulty trusting others. Irritability and inappropriate anger with temper tantrums may occur. The symptoms of BPD may resemble love addiction. While love addiction is not medically diagnosable, addictive behaviour is difficult to live with. Relationships build quickly and intensely. They are unable to see the faults of their partner (friends and family), and cannot tolerate changes in intimacy. Because people will eventually disappoint them, the person with BPD must reconcile their black and white conceptualization. Splitting shields those with the disorder from the anxiety of conflicting emotions.

One study found that those with BPD have a distorted sense of social norms, which impacts their ability to trust or cooperate. When something goes wrong in their relationships, they do not respond in a manner that would repair the damage. By doing so, they limit others from being able to fully cooperate in return.

Individuals with BPD may feel that their emotional needs are not met in a relationship, but they do not have the capacity to assert their emotional needs in a productive and healthy manner. When they do not get what they want or need from the relationship, frustrations arise. Because of the intense fear of loneliness and abandonment, when the relationship is viewed as at risk these individuals may feel extreme anger.”

From borderline-personality-disorder.com

I would like to add that now at 31 years of age I have some amazing friends who not only are aware of my BPD and other illnesses but they are supportive of my on-going treatment and recovery. I have a group of female friends (some I have known since childhood and adolescents) who are such amazing women and so open that I can explain myself to them with ease. I also have a wonderful group of male friends who I feel safe with and one who is like a brother (who I have known since being babies together) I am very fortunate and even though I fear sometimes I shall be abandoned and hated by all, I remember that these people are good people! They ground me and most importantly they allow me to be myself and have fun.

Please visit my BPD – Borderline Thinking Facebook page for more information and support.

 

Friendship Quote

Being a Professional with Mental Illness: Misconceptions, Stigma and Facing Prejudice

Being a Professional with Mental Illness:

Misconceptions, Stigma and Facing Prejudice

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I have been working since the age of 14 and have done numerous jobs in my 31 years. I started off as a home help care assistant for the elderly in their own homes (even though I was under-age) and continued to work on and off in this position, working my way through training and in various care companies. I have also worked for many years as a waitress, barmaid and as a shop assistant throughout my teens and twenties. I have worked many 12 hour shifts and 7 day weeks I am not shy of hard work to say the least.

However due to my mental illnesses and traumatic adolescence and destructive twenties I have also been fired, made redundant, walked out and been pushed out due to be a whistle blower in a care home as I witnessed elderly abuse and reported it. Most of these jobs were lost or taken from me due to my mental illness. From being fired due to being signed off for mental illness to being targeted with prejudice and hate in the work place by an employer who took my mental health issues and broadcast them to other members of staff and told these members to be careful around me and not to trust me with knives and I was bullied and taunted due to this.

By the time I was 27 I had experienced a re-lapse after coming face to face with my rapist in the city I live in, whilst trying to post a letter which FYI for an agoraphobic such as myself was a massive challenge even though the post box was just outside my front door, this sent me into a spiralling decent and detachment set in, I am still suffering today with my recovery. At this time I was also a full time student at Portsmouth University, but due to this and my ability to go to classes deteriorating I was told by The University of Portsmouth I was to ill to study and had to leave my course, which as you can imagine was an enormous blow.

Now I was so unwell I cold not go outside alone or even at all most days (this is still the case) so what options did I have? I could stay in and waist away my mind due to the fact I had no medical support, financial support or the ability to work. So at first I just stopped, I was defeated and I felt as if I was sinking fast and was scared for my marriage and my life.

The thing is I may have mental illness, certain neurological damage due to trauma, a chemical in-balance and emotion regulation problems but this does not mean I was or am useless. I was just left, with nothing… As a survivor and someone who has been through so much I am very able in many things. The confusion in how “we” the mentally ill can work is a big issue and needs to be addressed under the Equal Opportunities Act and then further for our world to observe “us” as not criminal, incapable, useless, unintelligent, unreliable or some kind of contagious disease ridden liability.

However a NEW way of looking at “work” and “jobs” is needed for all of us to succeeded or provide for our family and sustain our lives. The format of the 9am – 5pm job is not suitable for everyone, nor is the insistence of office work. Already many of us work differing hours over a 24 hour period, with shift work and certain industries needing specific hours outside of the “working day”, as well as more people working from home and starting their own businesses. But are all opportunities equal and do people with disabilities get the same treatment as those without? The answer is simple, NO!

Equality Act 2010

The Equality Act came into force in October 2010, providing a modern, single legal framework with clear, streamlined law to tackle disadvantage and discrimination more effectively.

It is discrimination to treat a disabled person unfavourably because of something connected with their disability.  This type of discrimination is unlawful where the employer knows, or could reasonably be expected to know, that the person has a disability.

Definition of a disability

Under the Equality Act 2010, the definition of a disability is a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term negative effect on someone’s ability to do normal daily activities.

  • Substantial is more than minor or trivial.  For example, it takes much longer than it usually would to complete a daily task like getting dressed.
  • Long-term means 12 months or more. For example, a breathing condition that develops as a result of a lung infection.

Reasonable adjustments

Equality law recognises that bringing about equality for disabled people may mean changing the way employment is structured, the removal of physical barriers and/or providing extra support for a disabled worker.  This is the duty to make reasonable adjustments.

The aim of the duty is to make sure that, as far as is reasonable, a disabled worker has the same access to everything that is involved in doing and keeping a job as a non-disabled person.

Workplace adjustments

Workplace adjustments can be temporary or made on a permanent basis.

Examples of adjustments to working arrangements include:

  • allowing a phased return to work;
  • changing individual’s working hours;
  • providing help with transport to and from work;
  • arranging home working, providing a safe environment can be maintained;
  • allowing an employee to be absent from work for rehabilitation treatment.

Examples of adjustments to premises include:

  • moving tasks to more accessible areas;
  • making alterations to premises.

Examples of adjustments to a job include:

  • providing new or modifying existing equipment and tools;
  • modifying work furniture;
  • providing additional training;
  • modifying instructions or reference manuals;
  • modifying work patterns and management systems;
  • arranging telephone conferences to reduce travel;
  • providing a buddy or mentor;
  • providing supervision;
  • reallocating work within the employee’s team;
  • providing alternative work.

( All information taken from the Equality and Human Rights Commission http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/)

So what is really happening with this issue? (I shall share statistics on mental illness as this is the disability I have)

The most recent figures available show that only around 27% of working age adults in England with a mental illness are in employment.

The rate of employment for people with a mental illness is currently used by the government as one way of measuring people’s quality of life.

For those with mental health problems, being employed can be an important step to recovery, improving self-esteem and confidence and reducing psychological distress.

Conversely, unemployment increases the risk of developing mental health problems, and is associated with increased rates of depression and suicide.

The 27% of working age adults in England with a mental illness in employment compares with around 70% of the working age population as a whole being economically active.

We know that people with a mental illness are more likely to become unemployed, and research has suggested that less than 40% of employers would consider employing someone with a mental health problem

( From The Mental Health Foundation – http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ )

Mental Health Foundation

(If you would like to look further at Equality in employment in general, with regards to race, class, disability and gender please follow this link: Equality group inequalities in education, employment and earnings)

So what is it I want to convey to you, you may be asking yourself. My message is this: due to discrimination I have had to fight for rights in employment and education, I have almost completed my honours degree in Psychology and Philosophy at The Open University, who have helped me have the same chances as other students by providing me extra support. I also did not give up, deciding to follow my passions after the defeat I faced. Therefore I became what I always wanted to be, an artist which I have been very successful in since 2010 and my career just keeps getting bigger and better. When I speak of success I do not mean MONEY, I mean that I use my time to create and comment on my world and the world around me through art. With a massive following of over 40,000 people from all over the world, solo and group exhibitions, being a published illustrator, selling art, creating art for charity and campaigns and mentoring fellow artists, this to me is success. But believe me I have so much more to do!

As well as being an artist I am also the managing director of Art Saves Lives International and the co-founder of this amazing non-profit charitable organisation. I am the editor and chief of our on-line art publication ASLI Magazine and I am in charge of marketing, social media and campaigns. I have my own team and volunteers as well as our following of 5,000 supporters from around the world which grows everyday.

This is all done from my home, with my own suitable hours 10am – 6pm then 11pm till 1am with days off or half days off when I need, with none of this set in stone I can also be flexible with hospital appointments, seeing therapists and doing exposure work for my agoraphobia.

Things I can do to make my work environment easier:

  • To be e able to have no noise is important as I have
  • Being able to exercise whenever I need (for my diabetes, PCOS and arthritis)
  • I can eat alone, due to my illness I do not eat in-front of strangers for fear of weakness, judgement and germs
  • I get to start my day once my medication has worn off
  • I get to relax before work for an hour in my own environment with no pressure, this helps my anxiety as my anxiety is worse in the morning due to night terrors and hormonal issues
  • I do not have to deal with anyone I do not wish to which helps me focus on my work with no social anxiety
  • I get to take time out if I am having a particularly bad day without the “rules” and “disciplinary” action which I would ensue in most jobs, I always make up my hours and work so this is never a problem.
  • I get to structure my organisation with all of this in mind, so that anyone who works for me or ASLI is treated with these same equal rights

The things which make my life harder are made even harder by people who do not understand that I work very hard, non-profit and with my disabilities. I do not require sympathy, special treatment or exceptions, but what I do need is acceptance and for people to question their thoughts on these matters and remember hard work and valuable work do not equate to highly paid jobs or someone’s worth in general. Aligning these ideas with the other is in many ways one of our worst enemies on this planet.

So next time you see my work or me working or someone like myself please remember what you have read here, remember that I am just as valuable, hard-working and equal to you. This is not a hobby, this is my life!

When obstacles are put in your way in life you can sit there and give up and except your own defeat or you can challenge these obstacles and climb them with great force and determination, because YOU MUST REMEMBER THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE THIS IS TO FIGHT IT! We must not be passive and except what the privileged power keepers of the world “give us”, we must not turn on the less fortunate, asylum seekers, unskilled, young, old or disabled! Instead we must aid each other within our communities to better help one another survive, but better still strive.

Thank you for your time…

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To the truly Fatherless on Fathers Day – The abandoned and abused child

To the truly Fatherless on Fathers Day

The abandoned and abused child

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Today on Fathers day 2015 I have decided to acknowledge others like myself who have been abandoned by their Fathers, abused by their Fathers and find today so hard.

When I was younger I did not allow myself to think of my Father and the abandonment and abuse I suffered. Most of it was locked away inside a box in my mind, which had been locked, chained and buried into the depths of my psyche.

Since becoming older and now in my 30’s I find Fathers day excruciating. Now with social media you wake to a constant stream of praise for the Fathers of the world, with gushing sentiments of loved children, of family photos filled with blissful memories and declarations of “the perfect Father quotes”. Now I, in NO way begrudge these people and their memories, it is just the little girl inside me who does not understand why she did not get to experience this love, this relationship and bond? The adult me feels ashamed, excluded and that I am the reason for the the abuse and abandonment. So it is not something I wish to stop others doing it is just painful and makes “us” feel more alone and FATHERLESS.

 

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I remember waiting for days as a child by the letter box, waiting for a birthday card from my Father, asking everyday, “where is my birthday card”? Keeping this unbreakable faith that it would arrive, but of course it never did. This is a state I found myself in so many times when I was very little. When I grew up and became a teenager most people assumed my Father was dead as I always referred to him in the past tense. I found it easier to not correct people, I almost could fantasise that I had a wonderful Father and that he had just died, so he had not CHOSEN to leave me the choice had been made for him. But no my story was not this one. My story was more a horror film. I am not yet able to fully discuss what my Father did to me or the abuse my Mother and I had to deal with, but I can say that it was fuelled by a narcissistic personality and a sever alcohol addiction which led my Father to have alcohol induced psychosis. This is no way excuses him, but it does explain the level of abuse and harm.

 

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I still have so much work to do to recover from my childhood and there are certain things I shall NEVER recover from. But I try to remember that I am very blessed to be alive, to have my Mother who despite our difficulties has NEVER left me, I have an amazing husband who has taught me what a MAN is and how I can be loved by a man in a healthy way and for my amazing elected family filled with beautiful friends.

 

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All I would like to do with this post is to tell those like myself they are NOT alone and for those who were fortunate to have loving families and especially Fathers in this case, just spare a thought for us today, remember us the truly Fatherless are an enormous group of people who find TODAY very difficult. We do not wish for you to change what you do to celebrate your Father and that relationship, just spare a thought, let it remind you of how lucky you are or have been.

 

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We do not want pity either…

Do NOT apologise to us because YOU had an amazing Father, this is a slap in the face and makes us feel worse than we already do.

DO ask us if we are OK on Fathers day, this is not reserved for those who have lost their parents through bereavement, we matter too!

Do NOT ignore us as we have been ignored since we were children, remember us and extend kindness to us. Often the abused and abandoned are not approached for fear of saying the wrong thing or because it is uncomfortable or awkward, push past this. We have faced far worse and will appreciate it.

 

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But to you my fellow survivors!! TODAY I celebrate us! We did it without the love, support and care of our Fathers and we survived to tell our stories, to help others and to set ourselves free from our lived nightmare. Today we should do what ever we can to survive further. One day I hope to help others like me and educate people on the consequences for children who suffered neglect and emotional /physical / sexual abuse. But today I extend a hug and this post.

 

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Thank you for reading and if you need any support please follow these useful links…

NSPCC – Every childhood is worth fighting for

The Survivors Trust – Support, Advice and Information

Stop it Now – Together we can prevent child sexual abuse

RAINN: The nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization

 

Our Tree – By Charlotte Farhan

 

 

 

 

 

 

This week I have chosen a very special painting which is called Our Tree. This painting is of a time and place which I hold close to my heart. When I was 15 I was admitted to a psychiatric unit at this old Victorian hospital in Epsom, Surrey. You would have to see it to believe it! Maybe due to my state of mind and my age as soon as I arrived at Woodside adolescent Unit, West Park hospital it was as if I had entered a very strange
world, a dream like world.

The grounds were massive, the buildings were mostly derelict and secret gardens and passages had emerged due to the overgrowth of plants and trees surrounding the buildings. It was a gorgeous summer and as my world outside the hospital had ended, the new world inside the grounds of the hospital had only just begun.

Whilst at Woodside, I met a girl called Jenny. Jenny was tall, dark-haired and always wore black and never wore shoes. Jenny did not speak to anyone and seemed so shy and scared I did not know how to approach her, but I knew I had to know this girl.

Jenny and I became very close, she would only speak to me and we developed our own way of communicating when others were around us. The Doctors and Nurses did not like this and thought I was manipulating Jenny, which could not be further from the truth! One beautiful August day, after creative writing therapy Jenny and I decided to make a run for it. We had discussed it many times before and even made little plans and had looked for the best way to do it. So we pretended we were just going to the vending machine and then made a break for it. Behind our ward there were endless fields and trees. We decided to run to the furthest fence, which we knew was the edge of the grounds. In the fence there was a hole which had been previously cut out from the chicken wire, someone had clearly thought of this escape before. So we ducked under and left the hospital grounds.

Almost as if we had entered another dimension or Universe this field looked glorious and almost as if it was all that existed in this alternate celestial space , as if it had been created for us, and only us. An endless field of golden corn. As we walked through the field which was on a hill we reached the highest point and saw a gloriously large field tree on its own, as if no one had discovered it. We decided to go and take some shade
and have a rest under its large arms of luscious leaves listening to that whispering and rustling from the breeze. We sat in the shade for hours, talking, sleeping, day dreaming, hoping that we could hold on to this perfect moment in time, hoping that the realities of why we were here and the cruel world in which we came from, would not reclaim us and that we could stay there forever.

Unfortunately Jenny and I could not stay there forever. Reality claimed us back and the world cruelly gobbled us back up. Jenny never got to leave Woodside properly, several years later after I had left and Jenny had become a day patient, Jenny took her own life one cold bitter day in December. A very large part of myself died that day, I was never angry at Jenny for leaving our world, because I knew she had not left “our world” she had returned to it. Jenny had gone back to the golden field, she was home.

This painting is a representation of that world, I made the scene different by adding the surreal large moon setting in the background, which gives off a very bright white light, and this was to represent the alternate Universe we were in. I made it night-time to symbolise the sadness and loss I feel without Jenny, which is why I choose cold blues instead of vivid greens. I added pink blossom to the tree to express my love and the romance I felt with Jenny. I kept the gold in the corn field to signify the beauty and magic which was felt.

So this painting is in honour of my beautiful Jenny, this was “our tree” I hope you like it and can see what I have tried to do. Please feel free to comment and leave feedback.

Thank you for reading,

Lots of love,

Charlotte x
x x