I carry it with me – By Charlotte Farhan – Art to End the Silence on Rape

I carry it with me - By Charlotte Farhan

I carry it with me – By Charlotte Farhan

I carry it with me

By Charlotte Farhan

The sounds which echoed their imprint into my mind,

The shadows on the wall which danced manically,

That tree which licked the window with its branches,

The light from the door way which gave everything a demonic glow,

I carry it with me.

Your violence towards me which left me bleeding,

Your voice which permeated my ear canals with fear,

Your dominance which left me powerless,

Your face which was engraved into my memory with vandalism

I carry it with me.

Their disbelief is an internal epilogue,

Their abuse which followed yours because I was “fair game”,

Their judgement of my clothes and sanity demonised me,

Their abandonment confirmed every fear and isolated me,

I carry it with me.


This painting and poem is to highlight the impact sexual abuse, sexual violence and rape have on the mind, when you have complex post traumatic stress disorder.

From my collection “Art to End the Silence on Rape“.


For information on available originals or prints for purchase or for galleries wishing to exhibit these paintings in their venues please contact using the form below.

Outsider Art – Unlocked by Charlotte Farhan

Unlocked - By Charlotte Farhan

Unlocked – By Charlotte Farhan

Unlocked – By Charlotte Farhan

A pressure builds inside my head like a boiling liquid,
spilling out of me, the security lock has been breached.
The fear that anything could escape – this is unscripted,
witnessing my life – my credibility is impeached.


This illustration is of my inner turmoil spilling from my mind, when experiencing a locked in state from flash backs and psychosis as a result of having complex post traumatic stress disorder and psychotic depression.

As I get older the locked safe where my darkest thoughts and memories have been kept, since being very young; has started to erode with time. Rusty and old, the hinges are no longer able to hold it all in.

Since starting reliving therapy in 2014 there have been many disturbances to my treatment, such as the NHS only being able to offer 6 weeks and then leaving me worse than before, opened up and dumped.

Then last year I found a therapist which was able to offer a reduced fee (as we are on such a low income) all was going well, even though it was soul-destroying and painful and made me cry in those 6 sessions more than I ever had. Still it was a process and felt as if maybe I would be able to deal with the trauma of my rape and sexual abuse as well as all the other issues which had developed as a consequence. However this was not to be the case, due to my borderline personality disorder I ended up splitting my therapist in my mind and however much I tried, this could not be changed. From thinking “she is my saviour” to “she is trying to kill me”, which then led me to become dangerously suicidal. So having no real choice, the therapeutic relationship had to be terminated.

So I am left unlocked and wide open…


 

If you have any questions on my work, if you wish for me to exhibit in your gallery or would like to purchase a piece , please contact me via the form below, thank you.

Announcing the Winners! Competition to win original art by Charlotte Farhan

Are you a winner? Charlotte Farhan

I am very excited to announce the winners of my competition…

The winners were put into an app which picks at random called – Randomness powered by Random.org so that a winner was chosen fairly.

So here are the winners:

  1. Charlotte Cullen from the UK, has won – Amman CityscapeAmman Cityscape - By Charlotte Farhan
  2. Allaert Euser from the Netherlands, has won – MindfulnessMindfulness - By Charlotte Farhan

    3. L, Farhan from the Middle East, has won – Wake Up

    Wake Up - By Charlotte Farhan

    4. DjaaDjaa Fouad from Algeria, has won Memories

Memories - By Charlotte Farhan

5. Aliaa ali from Egypt has won, A Gift For You

A Gift For You - By Charlotte Farhan

All winners will be contacted via email to confirm and obtain mailing addresses.

Paintings will be sent via recorded delivery in January 2016 and may take up to a month to be delivered depending on the country.

Please sign up to this website and blog to receive updates on my art, writings, non-profit work and activism as well as more giveaways like this.

Thank you to all who entered I wish I could send you all a painting.

Charlotte Farhan

Charlotte Farhan

 

Your support means the world to me xxx

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and have a wonderful festive season from Charlotte Farhan Art xxx

 

A Chance to Win a FREE Original Painting by Charlotte Farhan

Art by Charlotte Farhan

To thank you all for the amazing support this year I am offering you all a chance to win an original painting by me!

These paintings are from some of my most popular collections and have been exhibited in galleries many times. Now you can own one for FREE if you take part in the special CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAY!

5 Winners
5 Paintings

For a chance to win one of these 5 paintings all you have to do is take a look at the paintings below, choose your favourite, fill in the contact form below and share this post with your friends via Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.

The winners will be picked at random and will receive the painting they chose as their favourite when filling out the form and will be contacted via email  within 24hrs of the winners being announced on Monday the 21st of December 2015.

THE GIVEAWAY IS OPEN WORLDWIDE!

You can also enter the competition and find terms and conditions for this giveaway by following this link ——> http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/f29248811/?

Dont forget to share this with your friends and family.

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year!

Artist Charlotte Farhan

Artist Charlotte Farhan
Makeup and photography by Lisa Reeve

 

The Artist and her Cats – Painting our Feline Friends

Charlotte Farhan and Logan

Charlotte Farhan and Logan

Cats have been of extreme importance to me throughout my life of 31 years. Having reared kittens, rescued cats and met many along my journey, these majestic and complicated feline friends are to me more than beautiful creature but are inspiring and have become my best friends and even family.

I decided to start painting cats when I realised how important they were to my artistic process. My three cat progenies who my husband and I treat as our offspring (not as human babies) but as the wonderful species that they are, are called Omar (our 10 year old moggy), Isabella (our 8 year old Burmese) and our youngest Logan (a 5 year old Bengal).

They rush to greet us as we arrive home, they speak to us in a language which we have adapted to best understand one another, they are attached to us as we are them and require constant attention and care, which we are more than happy to give. We feel privileged to share our lives with our fury brood and at times when I am unable to leave my home or am so overwhelmed by sadness or trauma my phenomenal little ones comfort me and lick my tears away.

So I shall continue to honour the species I feel akin to by painting them and creating lasting impressions of them.

Here is my latest called “Lucy Loves Laziness”

Lucy was my Mothers cat when I was little, she was a wise cat, full of neurosis, who did not particularly like me, but I shall always remember her curled up in the flower beds, whilst keeping a watch out for small insects to eat.

Lucy Loves Laziness - By Charlotte Farhan

Lucy Loves Laziness – By Charlotte Farhan

 

Lucy Loves Laziness - By Charlotte Farhan

Lucy Loves Laziness – By Charlotte Farhan

 

Lucy Loves Laziness - By Charlotte Farhan

Lucy Loves Laziness – By Charlotte Farhan

 

Here is a look at the other cat portraits in my collection, most have been sold, prints available and greeting cards coming soon.

Cat Portraits By Charlotte Farhan

Cat Portraits By Charlotte Farhan

If you are interested in one of these or have a feline friend you wish me to do a portrait of please fill in the form below for further details.

Original paintings cost £55.00

Prints cost £25.00

Commissioned Cat Portraits cost £45.00

All images are 10″ x 12″ x 1″ and are on box canvas or high quality printing paper.

And here are our 3 beautiful family members:

Thank you for visiting…

New Photography Collection – The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan

Here is a collection of photography by Charlotte Farhan

The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan

To see the full collection please click here 

 

For all further details please use the form provided.

Thank you.

 

 

Borderline Art – The Collection so far – by Charlotte Farhan

Borderline Art.

via Borderline Art.

Borderline Art 

A Collection By Charlotte Farhan

Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex and severe mental illness which I have and still struggle with on a daily basis. BPD is also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder and there are two types: borderline type and impulsive type, I have the borderline type. Which is a cluster-B personality disorder, this means a person with this disorder displays behavioural and emotional problems with instability, problems forming interpersonal relationships, issues with identity and self-image. Personality disorders are extensive and defined through inflexible patterns of maladaptive inner experiences and pathological behaviour.

Having been diagnosed at 18 after displaying signs as young as 15 I did not understand or even know what this “disorder” was? It was only in my late twenties when I was unable to rely on drugs, alcohol and reckless behaviour to mask my inner turmoil and just blame my lifestyle for my behaviour. As well as self denial there was no information or treatment offered to me so I just swept it under the carpet with my PTSD and Dissociative Disorder. However all this sweeping just made my mental health worse and I started developing more mental illnesses due to my avoidance. I now haveagoraphobiaGeneralised Anxiety disorder and OCD and all of these developed due to me acquiring unhealthy ways of coping with my pain and instability.

I have been using art as a therapy since I was hospitalised in a psychiatric unit at 15. Although I stopped during my avoidance phase, I still have used some form of creative therapy: writing poetry and journalling when I was unable to afford painting materials. I could always find a piece of paper and a pen, allowing me some freedom of mind.

Now I use my art in all its forms to express my journey and how BPD affects me, allowing more dialogue and engagement regarding this misunderstood illness as well as inspiring others to talk about their own experiences and hopefully encourage people to use a creative outlet when managing their illness or aiding in recovery.

This is my collection so far…

Art to end the Silence on Rape – by artist Charlotte Farhan

Art to end the Silence on Rape

Since receiving reliving trauma therapy for PTSD my mind has swollen and over-spilled with flashbacks and night-terrors. This intensive therapy has hurt like a thousand knives piercing my brain and heart, but with all intensive therapies it gets worse before there is any relief. I have yet to feel any deliverance.

The word ‘rape’ used to be an utterance I was unable to speak or think, the mere mention or thought of the word, would send me into a detached state, a complete shutdown and the escapist inside found a way of entering a safe place which was more like a dream world.

It took me 10 years to confront the word, not the act, just that word ‘RAPE’.

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I had now accepted the word and what it meant for my continued existence, however I still can not truly accepted what has happened to me.

I still go over and over the incident, although the voice of society bullies my mind and the disbelievers ring in my ears. Telling me “but you fancied him? How could you not have wanted it?” and “But you are crazy, why would we believe you?” 

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Everything you could think of was used against me; my clothes, my mental health, home life and how well I knew my rapist were all used to justify what happened to me and I felt blamed, confused and as if I was deserving of it all.

Even after internal and external surgery caused by the rape, it was still said “she is so crazy she probably did the injuries to herself”.

The doctors, surgeons, police and mental health team all believed me and repeatedly told me it was not my fault and that the damage was clearly from forced intercourse and the bruises and marks were conclusive of restraint marks, but they were unable to undo centuries of victim blaming and misconceptions about rape, the world around me was singing from a different hymn sheet and I could not hear their support over the louder voice, saying “you were asking for it”.

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The person who I needed to believe me was not my friends, family or even society, it was in fact me!

I only managed to do this, this year and strangely enough it was exactly 15  years since that day. Through reliving the rape in my therapy I was able to separate myself and all the other voices and see the truth. Although it was a relief to finally say to my 15 year old self “I believe you”, it felt as if it had just happened and felt more real than ever.

I am still struggling and receiving treatment. But as a survivor I decided to speak my truth, to be part of the change and help others like myself. 

OMGOSH thats is true

As an artist I have decided to raise awareness and help end the silence.

Here is one of my first pieces from this collection, which is accompanied by a poem.

Chained By Charlotte Farhan

Chained By Charlotte Farhan

Chained – By Charlotte Farhan

I was chained by my fear, after you held me down.

I was chained by your force, when my life was turned upside down.

I was chained by peers and the social pressure to conform, with not wanting to be different or to cause a storm.

I was chained by my clothing, which was used against me, as well as my self loathing.

I was chained by the trauma, which haunts me to this day and the wish for life to serve you your karma will never go away.

I was chained by you, by them, by me.
Chained by the idea that “I was asking for it”
I am still chained and wish to be free.

banner-rape-not-opinion

Thank you for reading.

Please share this post, be part of the change yourself. 

At this present time I am working on an exhibition of art, sculptures and a book to accompany this project, to share my story, my suffering and my survival as well as highlighting rape culture in our society on a global scale.

Please help me in my campaign and like my Facebook page:

No Excuses – Sexual Violence Must End

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For further advice and support :

Rape Crisis UK

Get Connected – Rape Support

RAINN | Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network